I am starting to believe gaslighting gets a bad rap.
Now, hang on and hear me out.
It’s generally defined as manipulating someone into questioning their own perception of reality. Obviously, doing that to another person is not great.
But I’ve discovered that a little self-inflicted gaslighting can occasionally make life better.
Call it self-deception. Call it selective reality. Call it turning a blind eye. Whatever you call it, I think there are times when refusing to acknowledge reality is actually a perfectly reasonable life strategy!
Take my son and his pacifier, as an example.
When we hit the point where I knew it was probably time to let it go, at about 16 months old, I wasn’t ready for the nightmarish fights I had heard rumors of.
So when I came across an identical but really small pacifier among his things, I had an idea:
What if I gave him one that was too small? Could he tell the difference?
Maybe he’d unknowingly decide to quit.
So I handed it to him.
He sucked on it. Pulled it out. Stared at it.
Turned it around. Tried it again.
Then he set it down. He repeated this a few hours later — and never picked it up again.
I had apparently gaslit my child into giving up his pacifier.
Parenting win.
And now I’m starting to see the possibilities everywhere.
Not eating veggies? Throw in a little dressing and call it a salad.
Pretty sure I heard my son say something inappropriate, not 100% sure? Keep moving, he will probably say it again later.
The thing I dropped on the floor? If I can’t reach it, it has officially become part of the house.
The extra time it takes me to do chores is frustrating? No, I am simply slowing down to smell the roses.
And when I tell my son, “Mommy can’t do that right now,” I am not avoiding. I am teaching him valuable lessons about patience, problem solving, and arguably the most important skill of asking Dad instead.
See?
Gaslighting.
But the kind where everyone wins.
Maybe the goal isn’t always to confront reality head-on.
Sometimes you just need to look reality directly in the eye, politely disagree with it, and carry on.
Preferably without dropping anything on the floor.
Because if you’re a mom with a disability, there are already enough things in life reminding you what you can’t do.
I see no reason to make matters worse by being completely honest with myself.
Sometimes, a little questionable reality is just good parenting.
