Waiting in Wonder
I love to inspire others and reach out to help others. I have always wanted to share my experiences and to bless the people around me. Back in January 2013 I began praying about my purpose in life and asking God to give me direction in regards to this question. I recorded in my journal in January 2013 that I felt God was nudging me to write more and that this would be the year I would start moving towards my dream. I felt that for me 2013 would be a year of “Roots” going deeper and establishing character as I stepped out and started to move towards my destiny.
As the year continued I spent so much time in the word; writing and studying but no opportunity seemed to be opening up in regards to allowing my gift to begin noticeable growth. I continued praying and sharing with my husband about the situation and long about September 2013 I received a strong confirmation that it was time. A friend asked me to write for her blog and after praying I accepted but seemed a little insecure about the idea of writing online. During a plane ride to Seattle, WA in September I felt the presence of the Lord interrupt me from the magazine I was reading. I started praying and was led to an article which asked the bold question: “What is your dream? Can you dare to ask God what you are to do to follow your dream? It is time…” While I don’t remember the magazine article or the author of these words I do remember that I knew in my heart it was the Lord speaking to me directly.
Shortly after this I felt led to quit my job and step out in faith for the next thing that God had called me to. A few months later I finally obeyed and my last day of work was Nov 19, 2013. I am several months into my new journey and a little nervous as to what God can do with a stay at home woman with no children to tend to and no income to bring in! I really believed that when I stopped working I would suddenly bear children and become a soccer mom within the span of a few short months. (Imaginations have no time restrictions I have found!) Still though, whatever His plan is I am embracing it by stepping out and doing what I felt led to do. From here, God will take the rest. Even if I am wrong, because God is a merciful God He will lead me gently to the place where I should be!
Nearly a year into this journey I have a whole new set of questions that have arose during my time of waiting. What is my purpose to be while working here in the home? What is my worth to society, to my husband, and to others if I am not able to produce monetary value? Who are we aside from the things we acquire, the jobs we have, even the things that we do to “help”?
I have embraced my new role with my entire heart and soul. In the winter months I spent countless hours crocheting my dishcloths, doing lots of projects to prepare for the (someday) child, writing, and worshiping. When spring kicked in I realized that my priorities moved outdoors as I took up the mowing, flowers, landscaping, and vegetable gardening. Soon it will be time to can and freeze our produce and do any other projects we can manage to squeeze in on our “new-young-homeowner” budget before fall. And this is where I find the frustration of waiting on God and His timing.
When we step out in faith we are in a place mentally where we really believe that we are about to step right into the “next best thing”. Faith seems to work like that. We get in the car and in our minds we already have arrived at our destination because we have full faith and expectation that we will be there very shortly. I take each step confidently because I have full faith that my foot will catch me within a few short seconds. Living in faith is such a natural part of our lives that when we reach a point of living in faith for long periods of time we become double minded. We begin to question our calling, ourselves, even God’s plan.
“For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.” Hebrews 11:10
Even Abraham, one of the great fathers of our faith set out believing and looking for a “city with foundations”. While scripture is not clear on Abraham’s exact thoughts during this process I feel as if I can relate to him in what I am facing right now. When I obeyed God in staying home and ceasing work outside of the home I immediately began looking for some tangible results of a pregnancy, a business opportunity, or a writing/speaking schedule. Yet here I am nearly a year later wandering about my own yard multiplying and dividing flowers and crying out to God about my own purpose. (Sure, I have considered maybe it is my personal commission to “carry the gardens to the end of the earth” but after a solid week of back-breaking work and a peek at the market price of “earth” I quickly determined that must not be my destiny!)
“13 All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth” Hebrews 11: 13
Lately my husband and I have been attending DE-HOP (Delaware – House of Prayer) time of worship and intercession. A friend Patrick Dougherty that we met through this that does not know us at all recently sent an email that encourages me exactly where I am. This man knew nothing about me except what God had shown him and among some very personal things that he encouraged me with he also wrote: “I see growth, green grass growing as God moves you into position. He’s telling me that you will begin a season soon where He will start to awaken you to who you truly are in Him and what you carry. He made your heart to be fulfilled by making a difference and you’ve only barely tasted of what you were designed to be fulfilled by.”
These words are like honey to my ears! My entire being springs forth in joy and my spirit inside rises to attention as if I were in the very same room with my King. I received the words of encouragement and began to think not only about Abraham but all of the others listed in Hebrews 11 that “were still living by faith when they died.” Who am I to know God’s plans and to know that what I am walking through right now isn’t exactly where I am supposed to be? Perhaps I am looking for something tangible as Abraham was when in fact God has something completely different in mind for me?
Waiting can be hard, waiting can be lonely. But I am realizing that I am not alone at all. I am available. I am free to go wherever He would send me and available to do whatever He would have me do.I no longer hold onto ideas of what my destiny should look like.
I am laying them down continually at the feet of Jesus so that the worry is not mine,
the burden is not mine, and the joy flows freely. He knows the plans that He has for me (Jer 29:11) and allowing the reins to remain in His hands is the only way I can enjoy each day and grow in true faith.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6