Crutchprints in the Sand

Waiting in Wonder

I love to inspire others and reach out to help others. I have always wanted to share my experiences and to bless the people around me. Back in January 2013 I began praying about my purpose in life and asking God to give me direction in regards to this question. I recorded in my journal in January 2013 that I felt God was nudging me to write more and that this would be the year I would start moving towards my dream. I felt that for me 2013 would be a year of “Roots” going deeper and establishing character as I stepped out and started to move towards my destiny.

As the year continued I spent so much time in the word; writing and studying but no opportunity seemed to be opening up in regards to allowing my gift to begin noticeable growth. I continued praying and sharing with my husband about the situation and long about September 2013 I received a strong confirmation that it was time. A friend asked me to write for her blog and after praying I accepted but seemed a little insecure about the idea of writing online. During a plane ride to Seattle, WA in September I felt the presence of the Lord interrupt me from the magazine I was reading. I started praying and was led to an article which asked the bold question: “What is your dream? Can you dare to ask God what you are to do to follow your dream? It is time…” While I don’t remember the magazine article or the author of these words I do remember that I knew in my heart it was the Lord speaking to me directly.

Shortly after this I felt led to quit my job and step out in faith for the next thing that God had called me to. A few months later I finally obeyed and my last day of work was Nov 19, 2013. I am several months into my new journey and a little nervous as to what God can do with a stay at home woman with no children to tend to and no income to bring in! I really believed that when I stopped working I would suddenly bear children and become a soccer mom within the span of a few short months. (Imaginations have no time restrictions I have found!) Still though, whatever His plan is I am embracing it by stepping out and doing what I felt led to do. From here, God will take the rest. Even if I am wrong, because God is a merciful God He will lead me gently to the place where I should be!

Nearly a year into this journey I have a whole new set of questions that have arose during my time of waiting. What is my purpose to be while working here in the home? What is my worth to society, to my husband, and to others if I am not able to produce monetary value? Who are we aside from the things we acquire, the jobs we have, even the things that we do to “help”?

I have embraced my new role with my entire heart and soul. In the winter months I spent countless hours crocheting my dishcloths, doing lots of projects to prepare for the (someday) child, writing, and worshiping. When spring kicked in I realized that my priorities moved outdoors as I took up the mowing, flowers, landscaping, and vegetable gardening. Soon it will be time to can and freeze our produce and do any other projects we can manage to squeeze in on our “new-young-homeowner” budget before fall. And this is where I find the frustration of waiting on God and His timing.

When we step out in faith we are in a place mentally where we really believe that we are about to step right into the “next best thing”. Faith seems to work like that. We get in the car and in our minds we already have arrived at our destination because we have full faith and expectation that we will be there very shortly. I take each step confidently because I have full faith that my foot will catch me within a few short seconds. Living in faith is such a natural part of our lives that when we reach a point of living in faith for long periods of time we become double minded. We begin to question our calling, ourselves, even God’s plan.

“For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.” Hebrews 11:10

Even Abraham, one of the great fathers of our faith set out believing and looking for a “city with foundations”. While scripture is not clear on Abraham’s exact thoughts during this process I feel as if I can relate to him in what I am facing right now. When I obeyed God in staying home and ceasing work outside of the home I immediately began looking for some tangible results of a pregnancy, a business opportunity, or a writing/speaking schedule. Yet here I am nearly a year later wandering about my own yard multiplying and dividing flowers and crying out to God about my own purpose. (Sure, I have considered maybe it is my personal commission to “carry the gardens to the end of the earth” but after a solid week of back-breaking work and a peek at the market price of “earth” I quickly determined that must not be my destiny!)

“¹³All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth” Hebrews 11: 13

Lately my husband and I have been attending DE-HOP (Delaware – House of Prayer) time of worship and intercession. A friend Patrick Dougherty that we met through this that does not know us at all recently sent an email that encourages me exactly where I am. This man knew nothing about me except what God had shown him and among some very personal things that he encouraged me with he also wrote: “I see growth, green grass growing as God moves you into position. He’s telling me that you will begin a season soon where He will start to awaken you to who you truly are in Him and what you carry. He made your heart to be fulfilled by making a difference and you’ve only barely tasted of what you were designed to be fulfilled by.”

These words are like honey to my ears! My entire being springs forth in joy and my spirit inside rises to attention as if I were in the very same room with my King. I received the words of encouragement and began to think not only about Abraham but all of the others listed in Hebrews 11 that “were still living by faith when they died.” Who am I to know God’s plans and to know that what I am walking through right now isn’t exactly where I am supposed to be? Perhaps I am looking for something tangible as Abraham was when in fact God has something completely different in mind for me?

Waiting can be hard, waiting can be lonely. But I am realizing that I am not alone at all. I am available. I am free to go wherever He would send me and available to do whatever He would have me do.I no longer hold onto ideas of what my destiny should look like.
I am laying them down continually at the feet of Jesus so that the worry is not mine,
the burden is not mine, and the joy flows freely. He knows the plans that He has for me (Jer 29:11) and allowing the reins to remain in His hands is the only way I can enjoy each day and grow in true faith.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

*For more information on Patrick Daugherty visit his website DiscoverFirstLove.com or his blog at GodsFireStarter.com

Live YOUR Life – Review and Tool from Byron Katie’s Book

Today I have discarded all of my notes and want to write from recent experience. Many of my friends and loved ones are going through very serious trials and tribulations. As I listen to them speak of these things in my mind I so clearly hear their heart crying out, “Why?! I just want this to be over!” This echoes in my own mind as I realize it is also my heart cry in so many different areas.

I want to provide a tool I have recently stumbled upon for looking at our circumstances and relationships. As many of you know this blog is not just about experiences and stories but about real life answers and tools that we can use everyday to relate to life in a healthy way. I believe that there often is a missing link in our church education system in providing real life tools for breaking out of our former mindsets and truly embracing the freedom Jesus died to give us.

Perspective can be everything when we are struggling with something. Going back to remembering the three spheres of influence, Mine, God’s, Others helps us to realize that whenever we are stepping outside of our circle we feel stress, and when we feel stress it means we have a false belief.

Byron Katie wrote a book titled, “Loving What Is” that challenges this cry from our hearts in so many ways. She challenges us to look at any belief we have in our life and ask the question “Is this true, do I absolutely KNOW this is true?” She points out that if we learn to love “what is” simply because “it is” then we will find true freedom from the inside out.

“Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost heart.” Psalm 51: 6

Is this true? Do I absolutely KNOW this is true?

If we believe, “I just want this to be over” we need to ask ourselves, “Do we really know this is true?” How do we KNOW we want whatever we are facing to be over? How many times have we got to the end of something and then realized we wished we were back in the middle of it again? How do we KNOW that at the end of what we are facing we will be much happier? Truthfully we cannot ever know these things and therefore we cannot know that we want to get out of our current circumstances.

Who would I be without this thought?

She then goes on to encourage us to inquire within, “Who would I be without this thought?” Who would you be without getting up every day and believing “I just want to be out of this circumstance?” Can you dare to imagine if every day you awoke believing that you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now and feeling good about that? Would your attitude change, would your day change? Would your stress level change? In her words,”Can you give me one stress free reason to hang on to this thought?”

Turn it around!

When you imagine life without that thought it becomes easier to take the next step in her process. The next step is to turn around the belief. So, “I just want this to be over” will turn around to “I don’t want to this to be over” or “I look forward to this not being over”. As you turn a belief around your mind process becomes open to the things that are positive about the situation you are in and begin to look at the circumstances without the stress and without the overwhelming sense of burden.

This process is a strongly recommended tool to use not only in circumstances but also in the relationships we are in. Her book is full of relationship examples where someone holds to a belief system about a relationship that really is locking them into that pattern. The idea is that what we see in others is only a mirror image of what we see in ourselves.

So if you hold to the belief that, “My husband is mean to me.” And you begin to inquire about this you will come to the conclusion after answering the questions and turning it around that if you believe your husband is mean to you then you feel you deserve to be treated this way or you treat yourself that way. You are mean to you. Reality is you cannot really know that your husband is mean to you. You cannot be inside of his head to know what he is thinking when he acts in ways that you perceive as “mean”. You cannot know that in his head he is deliberately being mean to you. But you can turn that around and realize that you are putting up with it and that is you being mean to yourself.

“Therefore, rejecting all falsity and being done now with it, let everyone express the truth with his neighbor, for we are all parts of one body and members one of another.” Ephesians 4: 25

Everything and everyone around us is our teacher. In the last example of the “mean husband” you were taught that the truth is that you are mean to yourself. Now, when you perceive your husband is “mean” to you things can be different as you choose to treat yourself kindly and respond in a way that is kind to yourself. (Whether being kind to yourself is removing yourself from the room, not receiving or believing the words used towards you, or simply not letting it get to you at all.)

When I first started to read this book I had such a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of the turnaround. Realizing that what I see others doing to me is actually how I see myself or treat myself and feel I deserve to be treated that way. We are programmed to blame shift and to see faults around us but not within us. It is so easy to become the victim and believe that others should change the way they treat us and have no part in it. But when we begin loving what is and learning more about ourselves and how we can treat ourselves with truth and life rather than false paradigms we experience freedom.

My mother always told us, “There are three sides to every story: Yours, the other person’s and then the truth.” Only God knows the truth, and when we begin to hold our thoughts and beliefs one at a time up to God as we inquire about them He can shine His light and we can let them go without allowing our beliefs to control and sometimes even ruin our lives.

“And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free”. John 8: 32

Knowing Jesus and allowing all of our negative thoughts be held up to Him (the Truth) brings us into a place of true worship. There have been so many times that I have held up thoughts and beliefs to these questions of inquiry and realized that they are not necessarily true at all but simply burdening my mind and stressing me out. Every time I turn these beliefs around I feel so enlightened and it transports me into a place of worship and praise to Jesus who is the author and finisher of our faith! This place I believe is true freedom and truly working out my salvation as I renew my mind in Christ one thought at a time!

“Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear.” Philippians 2:12

Blessings to each of you as you inquire and bring your thoughts subject to Christ (the Truth). I pray you may find a new freedom using this tool as you are led by the Holy Spirit to love the Lord and the circumstances in which you find yourself. May you learn to love yourself in a new way as the reality of how you treat yourself comes to light. May you love others in an unburdened way as you are able to let go of accusations and perceptions regarding your relationships. Shalom!

*This writing is based on the works of Byron Katie and her recent book “Loving What Is”. This article is not meant to represent Byron Katie in any way and Crutchprints in the Sand is of no affiliation with her copyrighted book. Crutchprints in the Sand refers and writes about this book and tool in an opinionated way that does not reflect the views of the author.

A New Leg of My Journey

A New Leg of My Journey

Twenty five years ago chemotherapy looked so very different than it does now. This was before nausea medicine, before steroid injections, before platelet shots. Back then most blood transfusions were not scanned for HIV and most drugs were experimental. Treatment with chemo often took a patient to the brink of death and then stopping to see if they bounced back, a real “no pain no gain” era. It truly was the blood and gore battlefield that gave cancer treatment such a horrible name. In my experience more children died from the experimental drugs and chemotherapy treatments than from the cancer it seemed. (And every one of us that made it through owes our lives to the very same treatments God had his hand upon!)

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Recently walking through the local cancer treatment center with someone very dear to me battling breast cancer I was so shocked with how far medical science has come since those days. It seems they foresee every single side effect now and have a sort of treatment plan to keep you functioning at nearly 85% throughout the treatment. A statistic that was unheard of back in my day!

As I walked along with a nurse during the tour she asked about my leg being amputated and if treatment seems to have changed much in twenty five years. I smiled and said, “Oh yes, I always thought I would never have it in me to fight cancer twice but after seeing this today I am sure that if God would lead me to it then He would lead me through it. Back then there wasn’t even any nausea medicine if you can imagine what that was like or what it did to our stomachs, mouths, and OH the sores!” The nurse shook her head in disbelief as I found words for what I truly was feeling inside of my heart.

“It feels,” I continued, “Like somehow all of the experimental things I was apart of twenty five years ago and all of the studies I have partaken in since have been worth it. It feels as if I am somehow a part of getting us to this point here today where patients don’t have to nearly die before being able to live again. It feels so right to see things come full circle like this.”

“But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

As we exited the building I realized every detail right down to greeters has changed. The greeters met us at the door with golf carts to take us back to our vehicle. Smiling, asking how my appointment was (I didn’t have the heart to tell them the appointment wasn’t even for me) I knew that to many people entering and exiting the treatment center that just one smile and question may be the very thing to give them strength for the rest of their day.

“Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

Today, twenty five years later living with the aftermath of cancer and amputation my life looks a lot different. For all of my sharing about my struggles with the prosthesis I have begun a new journey to look for answers. Realizing that only 4% of amputees are amputated as high up as I am has been something that I have always accepted and in a way simply allowed to drown me in helplessness.

Then about six weeks ago I went for a truckload of mulch and came home, dipped my shovel into it a mere two times before I heard the SNAP (and no “crackle” or “pop” to follow) which meant that I was not listening to a Kellog’s commercial but rather my leg had broken once again. Feeling defeated and completely helpless since my husband was at work and I was alone with a forecast of pending rain and a truckload of mulch I broke out the duct tape to make finishing the bare minimum of my task possible. As my Chihuahuas watched their “crazy mama” taped up her leg and started digging back into the mulch. I was full of anger and shedding tears of despair as a new plan was brewing under the surface.

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

I decided that if this is happening to me and it isn’t happening to anyone else there is something wrong with that. If others are not wearing their hip disarticulate prosthesis to do any high-functioning tasks (like mulching, canning, painting on ladders, walking miles, digging, or jumping out of truck beds) then there is something wrong with that picture! I decided that if the leg I currently have is the absolute best that is to be offered to me at my high level of activity for my amputation type then there is something wrong with that picture as well! Maybe if the legs were more functional, comfortable, and high performing the 4% of amputees would be wearing their legs more! Perhaps the problem isn’t that there is “no demand” as I have been told but rather that the demand is a silent and seeming defeated one.

Since then this writer/wife/amputee/gardener/speaker has morphed into a pioneer. I have started a journey to find not only what is already invented out there to but couple with doctors and inventors willing to take on my situation and think out of the box to create something that hasn’t been created yet. If there is a silent demand then I will give a voice to that and bring it to life in hopes that the other 4% will begin to come out of their holes and begin to dream a little more big than “I must deal with it because there is no other way”. After all, is it really unreasonable for me to dream of walking down the beach with my husband in Port Canaveral, FL without my leg breaking and my needing to seek out a park ranger for a screwdriver? Talk about killing the romance!

So after nearly twenty emails to different places and phone calls here and there I started the journey today with the first group to take me up on my quest. I had a three hour evaluation which left me depleted emotionally, physically, and even mentally. As the team was blown away test after test at my ability and physical fitness for my type of amputation I felt a sense of accomplishment and peace within my heart. Here I am once again paving the way for future amputees and survivors to walk. It may not be an easy road for me now but someday when I walk through a center that specializes in the very thing I am overcoming I will smile back and know that God used me in this very small way to make a difference for the second time in my life.

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

Sometimes rather than see the struggle and see the pain that is in the “here and now” we must force ourselves to look out at the horizon and embrace that we can either be the stone that rejects the builder or allow ourselves to be used in the foundation of something much bigger than ourselves. For me, rather than suffering through and waiting for someone else to step up to the plate, I am choosing to say, “Here I am Lord!”

(1 Samuel 3)

Butterfly, oh Nancy

This is a poem that I wrote for my friend Nancy. She has been a very dear friend of mine for the past ten or so years. She is always inspiring, encouraging, and uplifting. As I scuttled around the house one morning this poem and picture was in my mind for her.

It is such a beautiful picture of Father’s love for us that I want to share it here. As you read it, insert your own name and allow the Holy Spirit to wrap you in His special embrace.

Butterfly, Oh Nancy

Oh Nancy you are so special to me

I see you as a butterfly wishing to be free

In cobwebs you’ve been hung up for so long

And now I see you singing a new song

The beauty in triumph, the beauty of your wings

Yet struggles are sticky and to you they cling

To see the spider heading towards you to bite

Butterfly, Oh Nancy you don’t have to fight

The radiant beauty you have from above

Has given you this incredible attitude of love

To know you is to truly experience

As if to sit and share on a bench

Your Father is here he is watching each step

Butterfly, oh Nancy, in surrender you are kept

The way you look at life with such mystery

The visions of your mind the way things should be

Scouring your world for images to post

Your reflections and learnings of which you boast

I see the promises of God stretching before

As you fly in the sun and look up for more

Butterfly, oh Nancy, don’t short yourself

Your tears are in a bottle on heaven’s shelf

Let the wind of the Spirit take you up by your wings

As you smile in the true Son, feel what that brings

Your legacy is in process and nothing is lost

Bursting from your cocoon you know what it cost

But now it is over and there’s nothing to left to do

Now you can experience life anew

Do you hear the whisper, calling your name?

Butterfly, oh Nancy, your life I frame

As a Hip Amputee I can’t run but I can Hide!

Am I the only amputee that finds myself afraid of things I can’t run from? No, I am not talking about things like bears, cheetahs, and wolves because no one can outrun them and I don’t really feel that I am on a different playing field where they are concerned. I’m talking the REALLY dangerous animals, like mice.

A few weeks ago I was up very early and headed to the hospital to see a family member. I had just sold a set of bowls online and went to grab them to meet up with the buyer so my parking fees at the hospital would be covered in cash. Singing “Zip-a-dee-doo-dah” (not an exaggeration I really do sing this song) I bounced down to the basement, grabbed my bowls, turned around and there it was. A cute, fuzzy, brown, fat, and healthy – ZOMBIE mouse!

My first reaction was to scream and drop the bowls. I started screaming and clutching the bowls with my death clutch (there was no way I was going to lose the money for my parking meter). It took about three real seconds to come to the conclusion that I was in the house alone and no one could hear me. That’s when flashbacks set in as I knew this mouse was going to run right up my fake leg and I wouldn’t even feel it, it would kill and eat me alive in my very own basement and it would be an entire day before anyone found me there victimized and tragically obliterated.

Apparently the mouse had gotten into some poison because it was nodding off as it sat there, would stumble towards me a little, then stop and nod off some more. I didn’t know what to do! I had my fake leg on and that limits my running ability…and jumping ability. I was completely trapped in the corner between the mouse, my basement cabinets, and the pool table. I debated taking my leg off and throwing it at him, but it didn’t take me long to know that I could never again wear my $100,000 chunk of metal after it crushed a live mouse to death. I mean, what if the blood germs carried disease? It took about ten more seconds for my “flight” reaction to kick in as I scrambled on top of the pool table with my bowls, crutches and all to crawl to safety.

But was it really over? How could I rest in peace knowing there was a zombie mouse apocalypse happening right below my very dining room? How was I to function? How could I leave my precious Chihuahuas home when at any given moment this mouse could morph into my living room and latch onto them as a vampire would?

From the top of the steps with a broom and two crutches, I kept my eyes locked on the target. I was seriously going to deal with this. So I called my father. Now, any father that has ever had any doubt about being replaced by a husband and thus no longer important please rest assured. There WILL be that one day at 6 AM when you least expect the phone to ring that your daughter will be huddled in the stairwell fighting for her very life and need rescued while her husband is at work. Oh yes, it is true, my father had to come rescue me and “handle it”. To this day, as I am leery as I walk around outside knowing not where my father exactly “handled it”…

All that to say; I don’t know if it is the fact that I wouldn’t feel a mouse on my fake leg or that I couldn’t run from a mouse with my fake leg that has me petrified. Perhaps I’m just afraid of mice.

Subjected to Truth

I want to provide a tool I have recently stumbled upon for looking at our circumstances and relationships. As many of you know this blog is not just about experiences and stories but about real life answers and tools that we can use everyday to relate to life in a healthy way. I believe that there often is a missing link in our church education system in regards to providing real life tools for breaking out of our former mindsets and truly embracing the freedom Jesus died to give us.

Byron Katie wrote a book titled, “Loving What Is” that challenges this cry of our hearts in so many ways. She challenges us to look at any belief we have in our life and ask the question “Is this true, do I absolutely KNOW this is true?” She points out that if we learn to love what is simply because it is then we will find true freedom from the inside out.

“Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost heart.” Psalm 51: 6

Is this true? Do I absolutely KNOW this is true?

If we believe, “I just want this to be over” we need to ask ourselves, “Do we really know this is true?” How do we KNOW we want whatever we are facing to be over? How many times have we got to the end of something and then realized we wished we were back in the middle of it again? How do we KNOW that at the end of what we are facing we will be so much happier? Truthfully we cannot ever know these things and therefore we cannot know that we want to get out of our current circumstances.

Who would I be without this thought?

Turn it around!

This process is a strongly recommended tool to use not just on circumstances but also on the relationships we are in. Her book is full of relationship examples where someone holds to a belief system about a relationship that really is locking them into that pattern. The idea is that what we see in others is only a mirror image of what we see in ourselves.

“Therefore, rejecting all falsity and being done now with it, let everyone express the truth with his neighbor, for we are all parts of one body and members one of another.” Ephesians 4: 25

Everything and everyone around us is our teacher. In the last example through the “mean husband” you were taught that the truth is that you are mean to yourself. Now, when you perceive your husband is “mean” to you things can be different as you choose to treat yourself kindly and respond in a way that is kind to yourself. (Whether being kind to yourself is removing yourself from the room, not receiving or believing the words used towards you, or simply not letting it get to you at all.)

As of now I am just beginning this journey using the inquiry tool. It has only been about six months for me but I can attest to the fact that it truly is life changing. There is something refreshing when we realize that most of our negative thoughts we cannot REALLY know are true. Only God knows the truth, and when we begin to hold our thoughts and beliefs one at a time up to God as we inquire about them He can shine His light and we can let them go without allowing our beliefs to control and sometimes even ruin our lives.

“And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free”. John 8: 32

“Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear.” Philippians 2:12

Fire Restoration

This week is Holy Week and I wanted to reflect on our God, how big He is and how He orchestrated the greatest rescue by sending His son to save us!

Fire Restoration

A year after we were married we were living in the small one bedroom apartment I rented as a single woman. We were saving and preparing to purchase our first home. My husband was working second shift which would keep us rotating around the clock. One evening he came home after midnight and we finally got settled around 3 AM for bed. At 6 AM I awoke to a strange beeping noise and my dog whining. The room was filled with smoke and I couldn’t see more than six inches in front of me. I screamed and woke my husband who previously had been a firefighter. He instructed me to get low to the ground and get out of the house. Suddenly I realized that with crutches and one leg there really isn’t a way to crawl so I closed my eyes and made my way downstairs and outside the best way I could.

Once outside we called 911, the property owner (my father), and it was then that I realized my prosthetic leg was still inside the house. Prosthetic legs can cost anywhere from $50,000-$100,000 and insurance only covered mine at that point every few years. I panicked and begged my husband to maneuver through the door and get it out, which he did. The whole time was very scary for both my family that owned the house and for us. The electrical fire started on the side of the house we weren’t renting (which was vacated two weeks prior) and was on the other side of our bedroom wall.

After the fire company left we walked through the house to see what the damage looked like. Most of the damage on our side was from black smoke. As we walked through the damage and saw what had been happening within 20 feet of our bed as we slept we were astounded. The damage was horrifying. We walked up the stairs to see that the firefighters, unable to see, had to axe through different walls and rooms to find their way and be sure everyone was safe. On the other side of the wall where we slept they had axed through our bedroom wall and the piece that fell was a perfect cross. Up until this point I hadn’t realized how close we had been to losing our lives. When I saw the cross my eyes filled with tears as I realized that Jesus conquered the grave not only two thousand years ago, not only when I had cancer, not only when I was delivered from drugs, but right up to that moment in my life. God is so much bigger than I could ever have imagined.

The other side of our bedroom wall. The black smoke was coming through and within ten minutes we would have died in our sleep

The Fire Marshall explained to us that within another ten minutes of sleeping if we had not got up we would have died in our sleep without even knowing what was going on.

Thinking back I realized another thing that God caused to happen. When I had chemotherapy as a young child I lost my ability to hear high pitch frequencies such as birds and fire alarms. I can’t even tell you the number of times in my career that I would be oblivious and wondering why everyone was scrambling for their purses and coats only to be told there was a fire drill. For some reason that morning I heard the alarm beeping and the dog whining which alerted me to know what was happening around us.

God’s hand was in this. The other half of the house was vacated so no one was present, I was miraculously stirred and my ears opened, almost all of the damage we had was smoke damage, no one was hurt. We were displaced for a very trying and difficult month but even through this month God has His hand on us. The offer we made on a small house was approved. Paperwork breezed by and at the end of the month we stepped over the threshold of our very own home. The fire restoration company delivered all of our treated belongings to the new home and we didn’t even have to box or move anything! God came down in the midst of a tragedy and worked things together in a way that we were able to handle what was set before us and enlarge our “tent” in a spiritual and physical sense.

When Jesus died on the cross He paid the price for so much more than we realize. Each of these moments were gifts from heaven. We take for granted that we are saved, but when we really stop to think and count the little things that because of His sacrifice God blesses us with each and every day we can become overwhelmed quickly. Because of the sacrifice Jesus made for us we don’t simply have acceptance with God, we have the favor of God.

After the fire my mindset shifted about life. I do not have control over it at all. Only God can determine the length of my life and only I can determine to hand over the reins to Him. Since that day it has been confirmed to me on a new level that God has a plan for my life and that the work I am here to accomplish is far from complete. While I am just beginning to realize the beginning of this purpose I no longer stress or worry about it because now I KNOW beyond a shadow of doubt that He is in control.

This little guy was hatching and also made it out of the fire alive

A little while ago I dreamt I was in worship and there was this beautiful song from heaven that we were singing. When I woke up I remembered the words of the upbeat chorus:

“Every day I live – I will worship

Every day I breathe – I’ll find time to break

Every day that’s new – I will give to you

For NOTHING is too big,

NOTHING is too big,

For MY GOD!”

Realizing that because of Jesus God chooses not just to protect us, guide us, work all things together for good but to also lavishly give us abundant life because we choose to accept and walk with Him. When others speak of “winks from God” in their daily life I now smile to myself and feel the warmth of knowing how God rescued me from so many things and cares even right down to the tiniest detail.

The day after the fire. Thankful for our lives.

For every little blessing that God gives to me, every tragedy He turns out to work for the best, every miraculous moment that I experience I will praise Him for! For nothing is too big for My God!

Drowning Out the Noise with Stillness

Drowning Out the Noise with Stillness

“Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalm 46:10 AMP

There is a lost art of “being still” that I believe we need to practice and understand more than ever. My grandmother used to explain to me that if a person can sit in a silent room and be completely content without the need to add something (tv, radio, etc.) then they are truly happy. While I am not attempting to draw such a line in the sand as her statement implies I must say that lately it has been on impressed more than ever on my heart the need for quiet and being still.

The dawning of this reality has come to me in the form of children. When taking two children fishing for the very first time a few years ago we realized that almost as soon as their line was in the water they were completely bored and began begging to leave. In their minds, fishing should be as simple and exciting as a video game or playing with an iPod, iPad, etc. I became so sad when I realized that kids today are so overwhelmed with activity and noise that there really is no “file” in their brain for “quiet” or “stillness”. Since that experience I have observed countless children and adults with this precept in the back of my mind. Disappointingly, I have found in almost every case that busyness is not only acceptable but promoted by adults immersed in technology to the point of reducing stillness to near extinction.

So why do we do this? Why do we feel it is necessary to have every moment of the day jam- packed with activities, errands, and noise? We work so hard and buy technology thinking it will make our lives easier and then we turn around and fill that little bit of saved time with more activities and busyness. Could it be a heart issue and not a culture issue? Could it be that many of the behavior problems, stress problems, and general population discord are caused by our minds being shifted into a state of overdrive and overwhelm with everything going on around us?

We are always saying to one another, “time flies, I just can’t believe how fast time flies!” Time itself isn’t speeding up with any noticeable difference to our human minds. Yet each year really does seem to be over faster than the last. It grieves me when I realize that time only seems to move faster when we are not actually living in the moment. (If you care to test this theory turn off every bit of noise except your watch and be still for ten minutes. You will see that ten minutes of peace and quiet and being “in the present moment” seems a lot longer than ten minutes of running around busy cleaning with the television and radio playing in the background.) I wonder how much time I have lost in my lifetime by being busy and not enjoying the present that I am currently operating in? How many memories are a blur to us because after arriving at one destination my mind is already forging into the next?

During one of our small group meetings recently we were discussing our lives and possible distractions to keeping God as the number one priority. One of our members began to speak about busyness and how busyness is almost a competition among parents, friends, and even Christians doing the “good work” of Jesus. This discussion led to a non-hesitant agreement among the group about what a battle it really is to maintain a clear schedule and keep ourselves and our families regulated in a place of peace and contentment at home.

Recently I have sat in on the training for “Godly Play” which is a program for children’s worship invented by Episcopal priest, author, and teacher Jerome Berryman. When I realized the depth of this program I was both stunned and excited as I became aware of the treasure that lies within. The program is geared around the idea of worship and quiet time to become more fully aware of the mystery of God’s presence in our lives. The children in the program are presented with a story by a storyteller that is also immersed in the story him/herself (instead of looking at the children and teaching them they are using props and acting out the story as if they too are learning). Afterwards the children are given an opportunity to respond in a creative way individually (artwork, blocks, puzzles, etc.). When I first sat in on this program I found it difficult to stay regulated and calm and quiet for the entire half hour! But as I have continued training and watching children that have been introduced to the program around the same time that I was I have noticed a visible difference in all of us. We enter the program with quiet anticipation of hearing from God, responding to God, and resting our bodies in stillness. Each week our bodies and minds become a little more accustomed to being still.

In The Screwtape Letters, by C.S. Lewes, Screwtape (one demon training another to mislead his new Christian assignment) advises:

“As long as they’re volunteering anyway, an especially useful tactic is to keep them busy. Really busy. It’s not hard to do, because they like to think the more work they do, the more spiritual they are. They help us out in this by using guilt to get others to volunteer, and some people will respond by volunteering without thinking it through. It’s also easy for us because humans these days like to cram as many activities and responsibilities into their day as possible.”

Bringing peace into our lives by wisely choosing activities and involvement is wisdom. Seeking God about the volunteer opportunities we are called to partake in rather than taking on anything we can cram in is one way to choose peace and stillness. Other small ways to eliminate or bring noise to a minimum can also be form of warfare. Graham Cooke often says, “Rest is a weapon against the enemy. He cannot penetrate your peace.” Bringing our minds and bodies to a place of rest is choosing to operate in the peace that God has already given us.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

This verse is clear that Jesus left us with the Peace brought by the Holy Spirit. We must choose to operate in that peace and not “let” our hearts be troubled. Subconsciously, noise affects us and our bodies. If we are tense, stressed, and exasperated we should pull back and look at the noise level in our lives over the past several days. It truly is the little things in our life that create big waves of difference.

Realistically we cannot always have a quiet home or block off hours of quiet time to receive from the Lord. But if we make a mental note to bring the noise that we can control to a minimum there will be a permanent difference in our relationships, responses, and stress/energy levels. For me, stillness brings intimacy with God that I have not experienced anywhere else. When I am out in the working in the garden and listening to the beauty of nature and noticing the colors around me I feel freely connected to God with no hindrances. When I am in the car and choose to turn off the radio and be in the moment listening to the drone of the engine, the pavement beneath the car, and feel the sunshine through the glass, I think of Jesus. Bringing peace into our lives in the small ways by choosing to eliminate or bring noise to a minimum will be one of the greatest forms of warfare.

“We cannot fully realize true intimacy with God until we learn how to come before Him in quietness of spirit, mind, and body. An atmosphere of stillness is absolutely essential for us if we wish to experience deep, loving communion with our Lord. David the psalmist wrote, ‘My soul waits in silence for God only.’ The prophet Habakkuk proclaimed, ‘But the Lord is in His holy temple. Let all the earth be silent before Him.’ When Elijah listened for the counsel of God, he heard the Lord not in the wind, the earthquake or the fire, but in a ‘still small voice.’….Quietness is a time-honored and proven method of prayer and fellowship with God that is almost totally ignored by modern-day Christians. Learning to be quiet before the Lord is one of the greatest challenges we face today in our quest to enter in and experience true intimacy with Him.”

James Goll in The Lost Art of Practicing His Presence

Often I am approached by others asking what they can do to hear the voice of God more clearly. One person said to me, “I ask God things all the time but I never get answers. What can I do?” My simple and only response for this person was, “Do you wait for an answer?” It is so easy to spout off our prayers to our Father and bounce straight into the next part of our day. But just as we check our emails and wait for responses, our telephones for voicemails, our Facebook for updates we should be checking back in with God so that He can share with us as well. When I have friends over I turn down the radio, turn off the television, and listen to them. In doing this I am not merely being respectful I am making a way for us to connect, converse, and build relationship. I think it would be a great privilege to be called a “Friend of God” just as Abraham was. (James 2:23)

I challenge you to dissect your daily routine for ways to create an atmosphere and lifestyle of stillness. Be a true friend of God. Choose quiet and peace because in doing so you are choosing true intimacy.

In his book “Prayers From the Heart”, Richard Foster offers a Prayer For Quiet:

“I have, O Lord, a noisy heart. And entering outward silence doesn’t stop the inner clamor. In fact, it seems only to make it worse. When I am full of activity, the internal noise is only a distant rumble; but when I get still, the rumble amplifies itself. And it is not like the majestic sound of a symphony rising to a grand crescendo; rather, it is the deafening din of clashing pots and clanging pans. What a racket! Worst of all, I feel helpless to hush the interior pandemonium. Dear Lord Jesus, you once spoke peace to the wind and the waves. Speak Your shalom over my heart. I wait silently…patiently. I receive into the very core of my being Your loving command, ‘Peace, be still.’ Amen.”

Further Resource Suggestions:

Young Children and Worship – Sonja M. Stewart, Jerome Berryman

The Lost Art of Practicing His Presence – James Goll

The Practice of the Presence of God – Brother Lawrence

Loving What Is – Byron Katie

Crafted Prayer – Graham Cooke

Heavenly Mindset in an Earthly Realm

At the beginning of the year I wrote in my journal something that I felt the Lord was revealing to me about my personal life this year. I wrote: “This is the year for shaking. 2013 was a year for growing roots but 2014 is shaking and strengthening these roots….Your roots are not complete yet! They will continue to grow as you take to heart the seriousness and importance of the shaking around you. Respect me but do not fear. I am around you and my Spirit is within you! Be a fragrance, be a light. One word: intimacy.”

As we move into the month of March I have seen a lot of shaking happening around me. I have also been so thankful that the Lord has been my anchor in and through every one of these trials because through Him my roots have continued to push through the dry soil and strive into the presence of deep and true living water to replenish my soul. The refreshing water of the word has not only given me comfort but has allowed me to be of comfort to others. Throughout the past three months I have learned that in any situation there is only one valid question to be asked: What is God’s perspective on this?

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Psalms 119:105

Our thoughts are formed like trees according to human brain researcher Dr. Caroline Leaf. Every thought in our brain looks like a tree at the molecular level and as the thought develops proteins begin to form around the thought and create the structure of the tree. Scientists have proven that our brains are wired to receive and build on healthy thoughts because as we meditate on healthy thoughts the proteins build around them and then transfer into our bodies through chemical reactions, hormonal releases, electrical circuits, and eventually actions. Whether we have good or bad thoughts our brains continue to wire these thoughts and build proteins around them which constantly change the chemical makeup of our brain. Likewise, toxic thoughts that are built into a structure in our brain will eventually cause problems to us physically as Dr. Leaf explains “Nearly 95% of physical, emotional, and behavior problems today come from our thought life.”

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

As we choose to seek God for His perspective on our lives and situations we face we are choosing to build healthy “trees” in our minds that will eventually become so lush and strong that toxic thoughts and trees will wither away. I believe the key to knowing God’s perspective on things comes from intimacy and relationship with Him. Being sensitive to what we are thinking, praying, and speaking is birthed from closeness to the presence of God.

“Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light.” Genesis 1:2-3

The same spirit that hovered over the waters and responded to the words of our Father in heaven resides within us. Through salvation in Jesus we allow His spirit to hover over our lives and our situations and every shaking that we may face. Notice first the Spirit hovered and afterward God spoke. I believe this verse applies to us and our prayer life as well. The Spirit of God will hover over us and reveal to us what is right and what is to be spoken into our situations. Speaking light into our lives is partnering with Christ because He is the light of the world. When we speak light into our lives we are speaking the name of Jesus.

“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

David Herzog writes in Mysteries of the Glory Unveiled, “When the presence of God is hovering over you in a given place, and you hear his voice saying something……you must speak those words out. Learn to do it spontaneously as He is saying it, and when you do, creative miracles will begin to manifest themselves.” Our God is a creator and even today in our lives He works to create miracles all around us. He creates miracles of blessing, favor, wisdom, paths of outreach, healing, provision, guidance and comfort, and much more! It is up to us to speak the things we feel the Lord saying into the situations around us and into our lives.

“He (Jesus) was given authority, glory and sovereign power; all nations and peoples of every language worshiped him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion that will not pass away, and his kingdom is one that will never be destroyed.” Daniel 7:14

Joyce Meyers’ discusses applying the word of God as a medicine. She explains that when we have a headache smearing an ibuprofen on our heads will not help it one bit. We have to by mouth internally take and digest the ibuprofen for it to cure our headache. Joyce believes that applying the word of God as medicine daily in our lives is one of the strongest ways to boost and push us towards healing and wholeness both internally and externally. I couldn’t agree more!

When I am faced with a shaking I have begun to find scriptures that relate to the situation. I seek the Lord and His word and when I find the applicable scriptures and compile them I pray and speak them directly into whatever situation I am facing. If I am interceding for a friend I will often find a verse or scripture that relates to that person and pray that specific verse over their life as well.

“But he answered, ‘It is written, ’Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” Matthew 4:4

Pressing in and learning to be still and wait on the Lord to give us His perspective is a discipline and a challenge that most of us tend to bypass on the first shot. We want fast prayers and fast answers so that we can move on with our lives. Then as an after-thought we wonder why our prayers are not being answered and why we seem to shoot a thousand arrows into heaven with only a few hitting the mark. This was not God’s design for us. We are created to press in and allow His spirit to hover over us so that we can then speak the light of Jesus and His perspective in a prayer that will hit the mark every time. The circumstances we are in are perfectly designed to bring us closer to Jesus and more Christ-like in character! Sometimes we don’t need fast answers; sometimes we need the process!

“How do we listen in on that conversation in Heaven? First, we enter God’s presence with thanksgiving. Then we still ourselves, finding rest in that secret place He has set aside for us. God will reveal Himself to us in a number of ways. We have the scripture because it tells us what the heart and mind of God is in certain situations. It’s like a heavenly cheat sheet…..We use prayer to pray the will of God, and that brings us into a place of faith and proclamations. We grow in confidence in the will of God, as our prayers change us to be more like Him. We have decided to follow the process that God has ordained in the circumstances He has allowed to unfold.”

Graham Cooke in Crafted Prayer

While I am convinced there is no set formula for intimacy with Jesus, I know that my time seeking His will in my life has brought me to a place of closeness with Him that I have never before experienced on this earth. It doesn’t always look like a silent room with me on my knees in prayer but often takes the form of everyday activities. His perspective will come to me during every day “aha moments” such as exercise, cooking supper, cleaning the house, speaking with a friend, meditating on scripture.

I challenge you to take a look at the things you are facing today. Look closely at the shaking that is in your life or the life of someone around you. Look at the shaking that is in your church, town, state, country, or our world. Ask Jesus what His perspective is and what piece you have been called to pray about. Compile scriptures, press in to the Light of the World, and pray with confidence. After all, Jesus is the one that said, “the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.” (John 5:19) Let us also be imitators of Christ! (1 Thessalonians 2:14)

Preparing our Nets for Harvest

Preparing our Nets for Harvest

Recently I was invited by my friend Madison Brown to Elizabethtown College where she is a senior. She took my husband and me to a quaint coffee house in the downtown district that was so comfortable, casual, and wonderful that I felt as if I were stepping onto the 90’s screen set of Friends. I even looked around for Joey or Phoebe before realizing that I was in real life and with real friends! As Madison, Rick (my husband), and myself sat munching on vegetable chili, hot chocolate, and turkey sandwiches Madison shared what has been on her heart with us.

Growing up at a local church that was going through a split Madison found herself more than a little tossed about by the waves of hurt, tension, and abandonment that so often happen during these unfortunate events. Some of the same people that had been such strong and Godly examples in her life up until the split suddenly refused to acknowledge her or even share with her when she encountered them in public.

She was reflecting on this experience and processing the healing that God has done in her heart since this has happened. In the grand scheme of things she ventured out to ask an even deeper question: We pray for Revival but how can we expect this to happen without looking inside of ourselves and becoming the people we claim we want to be?

As the three of us discussed this question and the possible answers we were able to share in a place of vulnerability that you only see in the midst of God’s presence. Madison explained how in processing her hurt she decided that she was going to be spurred towards Christ-likeness. She determined to always think outside of herself and respond to those around her in love. She has grown into a woman that seeks to live the life in Christ that she longed to see in those around her as a child.

She explained that she heard a sermon preached once about a child that was at a wave pool in an amusement park. The child began to drown but all of the adults in the area were focused on themselves and whatever they were doing (socializing, sunbathing, reading) and no one realized the child was dying in the wave pool. This picture paralleled to the body of Christ and how often we are so focused on ourselves that we miss the bigger picture and the fact that there are very real people around us “drowning in waves” without the touch of God that we have been given the power to provide.

Perhaps it is time to look at some of the wounds we have received inside and outside of the body of Christ and decide we need to move on. Forgiving others, determining to become Christ-like ourselves, and actively pursuing our purpose in the Body of Christ may be the very key to a revival or fresh encounter in our country.

“So often we take ownership of the wrongs that are done to us,” Madison says, “but when we separate ourselves from them and realize we all make mistakes it is easier to get over it.” While our bad feelings may take time to go away, voicing our forgiveness to God and realizing that we too have been forgiven for much is step one to receiving the healing that our heart is crying out for. Once we have forgiven, we have to look at our lives and decide there will be “no wasted pain”. Learn from the hurt and allow Jesus show you areas in your life that you may be susceptible to hurt others in the same way. Through surrender you can become the person to bless those that need it the most.

Reflection comes before revival. Setting our hearts right in forgiveness and extending love to others will always precede any move of God. Rick Joyner in The Harvest writes, “It is by beholding His glory that we are changed into His image, which is the image the church is called to bear.” It is time that as a church we begin to reflect who Christ is and become the example of true love that the world is longing to see.

Madison believes that beyond forgiving we also need to be sensitive to our own actions and to who may be watching us from a distance. “It should be our hearts desire,” Madison writes, “to be intentional in our actions so that we don’t push someone away from the love of Christ.” Looking beyond our own hurts and realizing that we too may have hurt others can be a difficult thing to face. As we behold Christ we will reconcile our lives in a way that draws others to us (and therefore Christ) rather than creating a division.

I believe that God did not leave very specific instructions about the way His church was to be set up doctrinally for a reason. While the fundamentals generally are the same across denominations there are small differences in roles, offices, and specific presentations. Each is good for us and for where we are located in the body of Christ. While one church may be the finger of the body, another may be an elbow. I certainly hope my finger functions differently than my elbow! Both are good, both are my body, both are different. When Jesus returns I believe all of these minimal differences will fall by the wayside in light of His glory. We will no longer see these small differences because we will see how we come together in one larger body.

Where is your place in the body of Christ? What is your purpose? It is reported from surveys done at Christian conferences by MorningStar Ministries that fewer than 5% of all Christians know their purpose in the body of Christ. This shows how our body is not equipped for the task at hand. How can a body function if each part does not know its own purpose? How can our nets hold the masses of fish that are to be coming into them if we are not united and flowing together in love and discipline allowing each part to function the way he/she was created to and not the way we think they should?

Rick Joyner goes on in The Harvest to write, “One of the reasons so many Christians are ‘tossed here and there by waves’ is because they are not set in a body or connected as they should be. One cannot be set in the body rightly if they do not know their part and are not functioning as that part…..our teacher referred to the present church as being like living stones that were just piled up here and there instead of having been built together into the temple we are called to be. One can easily steal a stone off of a pile of stones, but once it has been cemented into its place in the temple it will not be easily removed.

Because we were called before the foundation of the world with our purpose, to not be able to function in that purpose breeds a certain frustration and discontent that has in fact been the real reason for much of the discord in local churches, and even many church splits….people would not be so upset about many petty things if they were not so generally frustrated by not knowing their purpose and not being able to function in it.”

Based on what he has written I came to realize that just now, after nearly 30 years of life, am I starting to walk in my calling in the body of Christ. And now that I am even in my baby steps of functioning in this purpose I feel a contentment that I never felt before! Suddenly everything else has fallen in my eyes and instead of seeing what is done wrong I see what He is doing right in our midst!

Jesus says in Matthew 24:44 “And whoever falls on this Stone will be broken to pieces, but he on whom It falls will be crushed to powder [and It will winnow him, scattering him like dust].”

To fall on the stone and be broken, allowing God to search our heart so we can forgive, find our purpose in the body of Christ, and prepare our nets for harvesting is the first step. To be fishers of men our nets will need to be strong. As many of you know the greatest level of hurt can happen within the four walls of the church. I believe it is because the hurts received by fellow believers wounds our spirits directly and not just our minds. It is critical that we are all lined up and performing in our places so that when others more wounded than we can even imagine come to us there is a place free from discord and tension. The church is to be a safe place not just because of the presence of God but because of the people that represent Him there!

It is time to be bold and rise up to be who we were created to be. Allow healing to flow as you march forward. God desires for you to be healed. God desires for you to bring healing to others. As always, this journey will start on the inside.

Reflect.

Forgive.

Find your purpose.

Prepare the nets.

Receive Harvest.